Parenting Guidelines

Praising Children

When it comes to offering praise for children’s efforts and behaviour I discovered that it is a far more in depth topic than I first realised. When it comes to praising your children, the questions which came up are: What exactly is praise? Is praise the same as reward? How do you effectively praise children? Are there “wrong” ways to give praise? And what I found to be the most interesting question, can you praise your children too much?

What is Praise?

Praise for children is acknowledging an achievement that has been done. It is making it very clear to your child through the words you choose, the smile on your face, and your tone of voice, that you are happy with what they have done. You are proud of their achievements, their behaviour, or the choices they have made. Praise gives your child a feeling of accomplishment, a feeling of pride, thus promoting a child’s positive self esteem. By praising your children you are in effect letting them know what behaviour you approve of, which gives them the motivation to behave in such a way again, and the self confidence to keep pushing themselves to conquer more challenges.

Is Praise the Same Thing as Reward?

Praise for children should never be seen as some kind of reward. Children should do things and behave a certain way because it is the right thing to do, or to accomplish a task or goal. Praise should not be given as rewards where children do things in seek of that praise and approval. Praise should be used to acknowledge a child’s achievement. Once children begin to do things for the sole purpose of receiving praise, this becomes a problem and soon becomes equated with a reward. An attitude of “if I do this, I will be rewarded with praise” soon sets in. This attitude becomes counterproductive, as the child is no longer learning, and challenging themselves for their own feeling of satisfaction, but rather for the approval from his or her parents. Giving children praise should be for the purpose of motivating them to strive for more, not for anyone other than for themselves.

How do You Give Praise Effectively?

When you are giving praise for your child’s behaviour, it is important to give them your full attention. Go down to the child’s level, make eye contact, and fully engage in their joy. Your body language, facial expression, excitement and sincerity in you voice, are just as, if not even more important than the positive words you choose. To give praise effectively it needs to be genuine. Children are very quick to realise when they are being praised for something, they them selves are not even proud of or if it is not an achievement. If a 4 year old for example tidies up his toys, this is great, but at the end of the day, at that age, it is not necessarily an accomplishment. This behaviour is not warranted of praise, but more appropriately an acknowledgement is more fitting of the occasion.

“Wrong” Ways of Giving Praise

There are “wrong” ways of giving praise to children. When it comes to praising our children, make sure that the praise given is genuine. Avoid criticism when giving praise, and do not give praise which is followed by a sting at the end of it. Your love as a parents needs to be unconditional. Don’t equate praise to love.

Some examples are,

MOM: You have tidied up your toys so nicely. Mom really loves you for that.

CHILD: When mom finds all the toys under by bed, maybe she won’t love me any more.

A better option would be something like,

MOM: You have tidied up your toys so nicely. I love the way you have packed all the blocks away, and sorted out the books. Great job.

CHILD: I think I will sort out the toys under my bed as well.

When giving praise don’t turn it around back onto yourself. Don’t take the credit. The reason for giving praise is to encourage the child to feel proud of themselves for a task well done. Highlight how the choices they have made have had positive results.

An example of this is,

DAD: You have been chosen for the soccer team? I knew that making you practise so hard would pay off.

A better option would be,

DAD: You have been chosen for the soccer team? Well done. You deserve to be in the team after all the practising you have done.

Do not give praise while turning it into criticism.

An example is,

MOM: Your math has gotten so much better. You must have started putting the work in at last. It really is about time too.

A better thing to say would be something like,

MOM: Your math has gotten so much better. Fantastic job. I have noticed that you have been working hard.

Can You Give Your Children too Much Praise?

My first instinct was to say No, you can never praise your child too much. After some research, and thinking more in depth about it, I have come to realise that it is not the fact that you can praise your children too much, but more to the point, that it is not given appropriately.

This is such a multi level topic. For more information on go to can you give your children too much praise.

Praise for children is a wonderful thing. It is the magic ingredient in any relationship. Praise gives us all a feeling of accomplishment, a sense that our efforts have been positively recognised. This could not be truer when it comes to children. Children are in the process of learning what is right and wrong, which behaviour is acceptable. They are learning how to set and achieve goals, they are learning how to push themselves and strive for more. Giving children praise is a fantastic way of showing them that they are on the right track that you are pleased with their efforts and what they have accomplished. Feel their sense of achievement with them. By being a good role model to your child, you show them that it is a great feeling to accomplish something; you show them that all the effort put in is definitely worth the end results. Praise for children, when given appropriately, will help children to feel pride, and give them the motivation to strive for bigger and better things, not just for you, but for themselves.

Tags: accomplishment, motivation, Praise for children, praising childre, praising children, reward children, rewards, self confidence, self esteem, tone of voice